The Soul Mate Test
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| Soul Mate Test #1: The Definition of Soul Mate | ||
| a. We define soul mate to be someone who has the traits of an ideal marriage partner. | T | F |
| b. The ideal marriage partner would be someone who is, Positive, Optimistic, Appreciative, Slow to Anger, and has Happy Memories. | T | F |
| c. If you are positive, optimistic, appreciative, slow to anger, with happy memories, and you find someone with those same traits, you will have found your "Soul Mate." | T | F |
| Soul Mate Test #2: Becoming Friends with your Partner | ||
| a. Research shows that marital conflicts that start out positively, generally end positively and the issue gets resolved, or at least they don't damage the relationship. | T | F |
| b. The same research shows that conflicts (fights and arguments) that start out negatively, generally get more and more negative ... and generally the issue doesn't get resolved. | T | F |
| c. The good news, is that conflicts that begin positively, are likely to end with the issue resolved, which builds another positive bond between the partners. | T | F |
| d. Prior to puberty, boys and girls don't want to have much to do with each other. Boys and girls don't respect gender differences. Boys laugh at girls doing “girlish” things, and girls laugh at boys doing “stupid boy” things. | T | F |
| e. Men and women are markedly different. They want and need different things from their friends, and they may have little experience being friends with each other. | T | F |
| f. Friends can laugh together about their differences. Friends give each other space to be different. Couples that make an effort to become friends generally find themselves lifelong friends. | T | F |
| Soul Mate Test #3: How to Reduce Anger in a Relationship | ||
| a. Anger in a relationship stems most frequently from irresolvable issues. Issues that can be resolved seldom create nearly as much anger in a relationship. | T | F |
| b. The marital researchers at the Gottman Institute in Seattle studied hundreds of newlywed couples for up to six years. They discovered that about 70% of the conflict issues that couples had when they were newlyweds, remained 6 years later. In other words, most of the things couples fight about don't get resolved. | T | F |
| c. To minimize anger in a relationship, we suggest that you simply accept that you and your lover have an issue that cannot and will not be resolved. We suggest that you breathe deep, wish that it weren't so, and then decide not to fight about it again. | T | F |
| Soul Mate Test #4: Positive Marriage Conflict | ||
| a. We recommend that you only fight about resolvable issues. | T | F |
| b. When you have a resolvable issue, it is wise to begin 'issue discussions' positively. | T | F |
| c. Use positives and avoid negatives during the discussion. | T | F |
| Soul Mate Test #5: Positivity | ||
| a. To have a happy marriage that lasts, you each need to give each other 5 positives for every negative. Researchers would call this a positivity ratio of 5 to 1 or more. | T | F |
| b. Positivity is so important that if you keep your ratio at 5 to 1 or more, your marriage is almost divorce proof. A positivity ratio of 5 to 1 is one of the keys to a marriage that gets happier and happier throughout your marriage. | T | F |
| c. Two of the most powerful positive relationship signs are fondness and admiration. | T | F |
| Soul Mate Test #6: Optimism | ||
| a. Each marriage needs at least one optimistic partner to avoid "spiraling out" when faced with adversity. Two pessimists can turn worry and fear into paralysis, which keeps them from handling an adversity such as losing a job, or the death of a loved one. | T | F |
| b. Statistics show that optimists live on average eight to nine years longer than pessimists. | T | F |
| c. We say: don't try to break the pessimism habit, but build a strong habit of optimism and carry them both forward in order to use the one that is most appropriate. | T | F |
| Soul Mate Test #7: Appreciation | ||
| a. Appreciation an easy skill to master. If you put aside 5 minutes a day to practice being appreciative, you'll become that appreciative partner that your soul mate deserves. | T | F |
| b. An appreciative partner is one who has learned the two parts: being appreciative and expressing appreciation. | T | F |
| c. Make a list of all the people in your life that add to the quality of your life. Then, go down your list one person each day and focus your appreciation on that person for the day. | T | F |
| Soul Mate Test #8: Laid Back and Slow To Anger | ||
| a. It's ideal if you both are laid back and slow to anger. But, you can still be soul mates with a happy marriage that lasts, if one of you is slow to anger. | T | F |
| b. The laid back partner can accept angry outbursts as something the explosive partner couldn't help, rather than as a revelation of the explosive partner's "real feelings." | T | F |
| c. Developing habits of Coping, Positivity, Optimism, Appreciation, and Happy Memories will go a long way toward mitigating temper explosions. | T | F |
| Soul Mate Test #9: Happy Memories | ||
| a. We advise people searching for partners to look for a person with happy memories, especially memories of past relationships. The reason we do that is if Harold or Agnes has had 4 relationships, and they all ended disastrously, you might just be number 5. | T | F |
| b. You already have a partner, and you want to make your partner your soul mate, so you can have a happy marriage that lasts. If your partner doesn't have happy memories, then it's good to know that it is possible to transform unhappy memories into happy memories. | T | F |
| c. If your partner has happy memories, and you don't, you'll be delighted to discover you can convert your memories into happy ones. | T | F |
| d. We think it is wise to be “crazy in love” and be blind to your lover's defects. We suggest that you will be happier in your love life if you look past your partner's weaknesses, and see almost exclusively your partner's good points. That's readjusting reality for love. It may not make you the most realistic person in the world, but it'll make you a great, loving partner and your partner's true soul mate. | T | F |
Scoring The Soul Mate Test
To make scoring easy, you'll find that every answer is True. If you marked any of them false, you can go back to reread the section in which you erred. In order to select the page(s) that you want to read, click on: Soul Mate Definition.
You have our very best wishes on creating your soul mate as you and your partner proceed on the way to a happy marriage that lasts.
Continue with the next section — Happy Marriage Tips:
Click on: Happy Marriage Tips
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