What do the Scores on the Soul Mate Quiz Mean?

Note: This page is about scoring the soul mate quiz. If you did not reach this page from Soul Mate Quiz, please read that first. Click on: Soul Mate Quiz.

Contrary to the romantic or mystical view, marriage experts say that you and your partner become soul mates over time. The scores you've listed on the soul mate quiz today are your scores as you see them today.

Each of the traits measured by the soul mate quiz can be changed. They are all habits of thought. Optimism can be learned. Positivity can be learned. Being appreciative can be learned, and expressing appreciation can be practiced. Explosive tempers can be tamed, and even made slow to anger. Happy memories can be formed to replace unhappy memories.

If you are willing to learn new habits, you can become an ideal marriage partner — a true soul mate.

If your partner is willing to learn new habits, your partner can become an ideal marriage partner — your soul mate.

So, regardless of where your soul mate quiz scores are today, if you want to be married to your sole mate, you can be.

If, your soul mate quiz scores are high today across all 5 attributes, you're already an ideal marriage partner — a true soul mate.

If your partner's soul mate quiz scores are high today, your partner is already an ideal marriage partner — your soul mate.

#1: Why is Optimism Important?

The leading expert in the world on optimism, Dr. Martin Seligman, says: "Every marriage needs at least one optimist." He also says it's better if you have two optimists.

Dr. Seligman wrote the book: "Learned Optimism" which proves that optimism is a habit of thought. It can be taught. Pessimists can become optimists. They just have to want to. Being pessimists, they probably doubt that they could become optimistic, but they can. If they'll practice being optimistic.

To be soul mates, I think you'd want an optimism composite score on the soul mate quiz at or above 5. Higher would mean you would be even happier.

#2: Why is Positivity Important?

Positivity is critical to a happy marriage that lasts. Marriages are destroyed by hurtful fights filled with angry exchanges, hurtful words, displays of disgust and contempt. Another way to destroy a marriage is to turn away from each other, stonewall your partner, and tune out any communication.

Critical to a happy marriage that lasts are three points about marital interactions:

1. 70 to 90 Percent of all fights can be avoided if couples simply identify those issues that cannot and will not be resolved, no matter how often, or how loudly they fight.
2. Of those issues that can be resolved, discussions will only be productive if the couple starts and ends the discussion on a positive note.
3. Happy marriages that last depend on having a positivity ratio of 5 to 1. It is difficult for a negative, critical person to maintain that high a ratio of positive communications to their partner.

If one or both of the individuals are positive people, it will be easy to start and end discussions positively. Also, stone-walling and turning away are not tactics used by people who are positive.

To be good soul mates, you'd want a positivity soul mate quiz composite score at 7 or above. One really positive person can make sure that 'issue' discussions start and end positively, and keep them from spiraling into a hurtful, angry exchange. But, one positive person isn't enough to maintain a high positivity ratio. So the happiness of the marriage might be compromised.

#3: Why is Being Appreciative Important?

Marriage requires give and take. Two people bring their strengths together to form a happy marriage that lasts. If one person gives and the other person takes, that weakens the core of the union.

An appreciative person is aware of other people, and recognizes them for their contributions. People who never feel or express appreciation are focused on themselves, and scarcely recognize other people except for what they person can give them.

Soul mates are couples who both give and take willingly, and appreciate their partner's gifts and contributions to the success of the marriage.

To be good soul mates, you'd want a soul mate quiz appreciation composite score at or above 5.

#4: Why is it Important to be Slow to Anger?

As we've seen, marriages are destroyed by angry exchanges of hurtful words. A person who is slow to anger can avoid getting caught up in these angry exchanges.

A person who is slow to anger can actually help an explosive partner calm down and do less damage.

So, on this point, you can be sole mates if one of you is slow to anger. If you are both hot heads, at least one of you will need to learn to tame the anger.

To be soul mates, you'd want a slow-to-anger soul mate quiz composite score at 6 or above.

#5: Why are Happy Memories Important?

Happy people — those who are positive, optimistic and appreciative — collect happy memories.

Unhappy people, who are negative and pessimistic collect unhappy memories.

To be soul mates, you both want your happy memories to outweigh your unhappy memories.

A happy memories composite score above 6, with both of you having individual scores above 6 is a powerful indication of how your marriage will thrive. If you both score 7's or higher, you can become true soul mates.

If you are a 10, with very happy memories, you'll often find people who have been victimized by life attracted to you (people with a happy memories score below 5).

You might think that you can rescue them from an unhappy life, because you're positive and optimistic. Odds are good that a relationship between an 8 and a 2 will end up being just another relationship that went bad for the person with a 2.

What does this all mean?

To someone with a romanticized view, or mystical view, or hollywood's view of soul mates, this may mean little.

To someone who wants a view that virtually every marriage expert would agree with, this soul mate quiz is more meaningful.

Remember, however, the scores you gave on the soul mate quiz are today's scores — and they are only your buest guesses. Every one of the attributes you've scored can be raised by adopting a new habit of thought, and a few minutes practice each day until the new habit of thought replaces the old habit.

Even memories can be changed from negative to positive.

So, if you are already married to your partner, regardless of your soul mate quiz scores today, if both of you want to become true soul mates, you can do so.

A little commitment. A little practice. A little coping. Being willing to be imperfect, and a lot of laughing, and you'll be the true soul mates you want to be.

In the following pages, we'll examine each attribute more carefully.

To go on to the next page in the series, click on: Optimism

To return to the top of the page, click on: Scoring Soul Mate Quiz