Physical Attraction Can Be So Strong It Makes Your knees weak!

Physical attraction can be so powerful it takes your breath away. You may not be able to speak, or even think. Learn what's magical about it, and how it can hurt you.

"Love at first sight" isn't really love. It's attraction. It's important to know the difference between attraction and love.

People who don't understand the difference can find themselves running off to elope with a stranger, because of attraction, not love.

Attraction is a physical response — you feel it!

You look at someone, or hear his or her voice, and the physical attraction is immediate. In one case it can be mild. In another, it can be strong, and in yet another it can be intense.

Somehow (and nobody knows quite how), we’re each “imprinted” at an early age — possibly as young as three or as old as eight or nine — with the imprint that will determine the person you will find attractive later in life.

You seem to have a mental picture of the person who is just “right” for you. Not only is there a picture, but also there is an imprint for the “right”voice: the sound, the tone, and the pace. You’re imprinted not only with picture and sound, but odor, taste, and feel.

You're always on the lookout for people who match your attraction imprinting

Before and even after you're married:You, without even realizing it, automatically scan each person (of the right sex for you), and you feel physical attraction when you see, hear, or meet (or smell, touch, or taste) someone who matches some of the features for which you are imprinted. The closer that person comes to matching your imprint, the more intense the feeling. A complete match is not necessary for attraction. Just one or two key variables may be enough to give you the feeling of being attracted.

Good and bad news about attraction

Attraction is probably a genetic "leftover" from the time before humans learned to speak. It's purpose was to start the process of getting two pre-verbal cave dwellers to become a couple and raise children.

Because the whole attraction process is buried deeply into our brains, it is pretty automatic, so we don't have much control over it. It happens whether we like it or not.

That means that you might be happily married, in love with your partner, and BOING, the bells go off when you meet someone who closely matches your imprinting.

The good news is that attraction is a wonderful, delightful, and exciting experience.

The bad news is that some people confuse attraction with love and think they should act on the feeling of attraction.

You can't make a marriage last if either party confuses attraction with love, and wants to start a new relationship with the latest person to "ring their bell."

If you're married, and you feel attraction for another person, enjoy the feeling, but do not act on the feeling. Some people feel guilty. They think they may not love their partner if they feel attracted to someone else.

Don't feel guilty. And, don't make your partner feel guilty if your partner feels a powerful attraction for another person. It's human. It's automatic. You can't help it. But, you can understand it, and choose not to do anything about it.

Attraction isn't love; it's simply physical attraction

Physical attraction can be so powerful that it feels like love — but it isn't. We now know that love is the bundle of feelings that come from memories of positive shared experiences.

You can't be in love with this stranger you've just met, who "rings your bell." You have no shared positive experiences. You have no memories with feelings attached. You have no bundle of love on which to base a marriage.

Do not make the disasterous mistake of running off to be with this stranger based solely on the primeval physical attraction your imprinting causes you to feel. Do Not!

Teenagers should be taught about attraction so they understand the physical attraction they feel the first time somebody matches their imprinting.

Some of the variables in physical attraction

Here are some of the physical attraction variables that are important to different people. A few of these may be critical variables to you, but each is critical to someone.

• Hair: length, type (curly, straight, long, short), color, texture
• Facial features: shape, width, length
• Skin color: texture and feel
• Body shape: sexual features, legs, neck, lip tension, taste
• Feel of the skin and flesh: hardness, softness
• Voice tone: timbre, pace, softness, hardness, high or low
• Sense of humor: laugh, giggle
• Smell: skin, hair, breath
• Gestures: head, hands, and arm movements
• Posture: carriage, roundness, straightness
• Tension level of the body: relaxed, tense
• Height: tall, short, medium
• Weight: light, heavy
• Energy level: calm, intense, easy-going, hard driving
• Gait: walking, running
• Confidence level: cocky, shy, confident

What attraction variables are you imprinted with?

Just for fun. Take a few minutes to find out what you are imprinted for. Bring to mind two different people to whom you have felt physical attraction. Go over the list above and see which items were similar between the two. Then take a third person and go over the list again. If you have items that match on three people, the odds are good that those items are part of your imprinting. If there is a resounding “yes” for you on any one item, then that item is important to you. This is a fun and useful exercise. After you're married, you need to be aware of the power of attraction. When you find yourself strongly attracted, enjoy the feeling, but do nothing else. It's normal. It's natural. You have no control over it. You do, however, have complete control over what you do after feeling attracted.

To read the next page in the series:
"What is Love? Love vs. Infatuation"
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