How do you become the
optimistic partner your
soul mate is searching for?

Note: This page is about having an optimistic partner. If you did not reach this page from the "All About Soul Mates" page, please read that first. Click on: Return to All About Soul Mates.

Ideally, your soul mate will be an optimist. Optimists are attracted to other optimists. If you think you are somewhat pessimistic or an outright pessimist, it's time to change.

You become more optimistic by deciding to do it. This page will outline the process, and point you to resources you can use.

Every marriage Needs At Least One Optimist

Each marriage needs at least one optimistic partner to avoid "spiraling out" when faced with adversity. For reasons described below, two pessimists can turn worry and fear into paralysis which keeps them from handling an adversity, such as losing a job, or the death of a loved one.

If you firmly commit to become an optimistic partner , and are willing to work at it, you are ready to make the change from pessimism to optimism.

What are the Benefits Of Optimism?

Being an optimistic partner will make you and your partner happier.

Dr. Martin Seligman, in his book, "Learned Optimism," points to the research that proves that optimists live longer, healthier, and happier lives than pessimists, and they are more likely to have happy marriages that last.

Statistics show that optimists live on average eight to nine years longer than pessimists. Part of the reason for that is the constant negative view of the future creates stress and worry, which is hard on the body, the mind, and your partner.

How Do You Become A More Optimistic Partner?

The most important thing is to be willing to persist in your committment to become a more optimistic partner. Make the committment, and persist.

Then change your thinking in order to become more optimistic: Recognize that optimism and pessimism are both habits (habitual patterns of thought). Old habits may not be easy to break, but new habits are easy to acquire.

So, don't try to break the old pessimism habit, but build a strong habit of optimism. In situations where you choose optimism, you are pushing the old pessimistic habits to the back.

Is Pessimism ever Appropriate?

Optimists tend to be less realistic than pessimists. Pessimists tend to be more realistic than optimists.

Optimists think anything is possible, and pessimists know better.

So, if you convert to optimism, you have to know when to shift back.

There are times when pessimism is appropriate. For example, if you are inspecting parachutes, it pays to use your pessimistic habit. If you are planning a space launch, it pays to use your pessimism to imagine every possible thing that could go wrong, so you can prepare for it.

How can I recognize Pessimistic Thoughts?

The pessimistic negative thoughts will follow the pessimistic formula:

1. Something bad will happen "TO ME" in the future.
2. It will last a long time, maybe for the rest of my life.
3. It will affect my whole life.

So, If a friend's marriage is breaking up, you might think:

• I'll probably end up divorced, too.
• Odds are I'll never get married again.
• It'll ruin my life. I'll be poor and alone.

How Does An Optimistic Partner think?

The optimist's formula is more positive:

1. Bad things don't happen to me. They happen to others.
2. If I did have a problem, I'd quickly get it fixed, and I'd be fine.
3. Nothing can stop me from enjoying my life, my wife, my kids, my work, friends, etc.

Do you wonder that optimists live longer? They don't worry. Everything will be fine.

If you're somewhat pessimistic, you might have doubts about your ability to change your thoughts. You have lived with negative visions of the future for so long they seem normal to you.

You're right that it's hard to change your thoughts. So, we don't suggest you even try. You simply add a new, overly-positive set of thoughts that you will use to counter the normal, natural negative thoughts that your DNA may have set you up to have.

We say "overly positive" thoughts because that is the way they'll seem to you at first.

How Can I Get The Exercises To Make Me An Optimistic Partner?

The exercises that you practice for five minutes a day to become an optimistic partner are in the book "How To Make A Marriage Last" that comes with the membership, the other e-books, and the forum. When you've read enough to decide you want to join the team of people working to create happy marriages that last, click on: Join the Team

If you want to go on to the next page in the series, click on: Positivity

To return to the top of the page, click on: Optimistic Partner

To join the team of other couples committed to marriages that last, click on: Join the Team