How do you become
the appreciative partner
your soul mate wants?

Note: This page is about being an appreciative partner. If you did not reach this page from the "All About Soul Mates" page, please read that first. Click on: Return to All About Soul Mates.

You need to become an appreciative partner because, ideally, your soul mate will be a very appreciative person. Appreciative people are attracted to other appreciative people. If you haven't mastered being appreciative (and how many of us has?,) it's time to become more appreciative.

It's an easy skill to master. If you put aside 5 minutes a day to practice being appreciative, you'll become that appreciative partner that your soul mate deserves.

Learn to be an appreciative partner

An appreciative partner is one who has learned the two parts to appreciation: feeling, and expressing.

The first part is feeling appreciative. This is done entirely inside your head. It's actually a great exercise because it takes your focus off of yourself and puts it on other people.

Our recommendations are to take 5 minutes a day (just until it becomes an automatic habit), and ask yourself the question, "What do I most appreciate about my partner (or my parents, or my siblings, or my coworker, or my friend)?"

You could make yourself a list of all the people in your life that add to the quality of your life. Then, go down your list one person each day and focus your appreciation on that person for the day.

The second part is expressing that appreciation. Here's how you can practice appreciation.

Feeling and expressing appreciation

Simply write three things on a post-it note:

1. The thing you appreciate so much about the person.
2. An example of a specific thing that person did that exemplifies what you appreciate.
3. The words you'll use to tell the person what it meant to you.

Example:

1. What I appreciate: I'm feeling appreciative today about my cousin because of her willingness to help out in family crises.

2. The example: What she did to help Barbara handle the move was above and beyond what we'd expect. Say: "Ruth, I really appreciate how you are so ready to help anytime we need it."

3. Statement of what it meant to me: "I felt so relieved that you were willing to take that burden off my shoulders."

Example:

1. What I appreciate: I'm feeling appreciative today about my coworker because of the way she works with others.

2. The example: She worked really hard with others to get proposal out on time. Say: "Diane, I really appreciate your teamwork and the smooth way you work with everybody."

3. Statement of what it means: " I sleep better at nights knowing you're here and ready to tackle whatever the team needs."

If the list of people you appreciate is very long, put your partner on it at least every week or ten days. That's how you are going to demonstrate that you're an appreciative partner.

How To Express Your Appreciation

You can express your three-part message of appreciation in many ways:

• Face to face: tell the person your message. This is great for your role as an appreciative partner. It gives you the opportunity to add hugs, kisses, and touches to a great message.
• With a coworker you could say your message, and for added oomph, you could do it front of other coworkers.
• You can use email to write out your message of appreciation, and for added oomph, you could cc other people so others can see what you appreciate about this person.
• You could write small notes. The first President Bush, George Herbert Walker Bush, was famous for his constant stream of appreciative notes he sent to everybody he worked with. Some have attributed his success in politics to his frequent meaningful notes of appreciation to people he came into contact with. When he became president, these notes were framed and put up on office walls everywhere. (This tells you how much the notes were valued, people saved them.)
• You can telephone, use computer chat, or instant messages. The medium is not important. What is important is that you choose simple, natural ways to express your appreciation. By keeping it simple, quick and natural for you, you're more likely to make appreciation into a habit that will last for the rest of your life.

Schedule your appreciative messages until they've become a habit

How can you be sure to keep being an appreciative partner? If you keep a day planner or calendar, take a few minutes to schedule the messages you intend to express.

If you should choose to join the team, we offer reminder emails at whatever frequency you choose to remind you to appreciate somebody. This helps until you build the lifetime habit of expressing appreciation.

It's amazing that by only devoting 5 minutes a day, you can become an appreciative partner that truly deserves to marry your soul mate.

The next habit you want to build is the ability to be a little more laid back. Click on: Laid Back

To return to the top of the page, click on: Appreciative Partner

To join the team of other couples committed to marriages that last, click on: Join the Team